I’m an idiot! I’m an idiot! Oh God, why am I doing this? I thought to myself as I could feel beads of sweat beginning to form on my brow.
I clutched my handbag nervously as I waited to board the plane to Los Angeles. I hadn’t seen my best friends in years and until last week hadn’t heard a word from them in months. Granted, I know they were busy enjoying their fame, making money, recording music, and touring foreign countries, but I was their one and only best friend. Now here I am accepting their most sincere apologies by getting an all expenses paid trip to California.
“Why am I so anxious about seeing them?” It was only the Hanson brothers, the three blonde boys that lived next door to me since we were born. There was no reason to feel this way, right? Wrong. There was one reason; one tall, gorgeous, blue-eyed reason. I sighed, picturing Taylor in my head. The memories began to crowd my thoughts.
“Lizzy, come on, hide with me!” Taylor motioned with a wave of his hand for me to follow behind him.
We were 14, and it was a humid, summer night. Taylor, his brothers Isaac and Zac, and I were playing hide and seek in the neighborhood after dinner. It was a summer tradition. The four of us had many “rituals” since we spent almost every day together. We were neighbors, our mother’s homeschooled us, and I was that girl all of their little fans envied when they found out how close we were.
At that point, we were all starting to hit puberty too and the hormones were raging. At least mine were anyway.
I followed Taylor through the maze of homes in our neighborhood to the one hiding place Isaac and Zac never knew about. It was a patch of trees lined with boulder-sized rocks that kind of sunk into the ground. We called it the Grotto. It was mine and Taylor’s place. There we would lie on the warm rocks under the warm sun talking for hours. Mainly, he would talk about his music and I would just sit there and listen but we were always alone nonetheless.
“They’ll never find us and probably give up, but oh well,” Taylor grinned at me and my heart fluttered.
Lately, I had noticed the sparkle in his eyes, the way his hair moved in the breeze, the curves of his soft lips when coerced into a smile; all of which were nonexistent until now. He used to be just one of the guys, and we were an inseparable gang until I began to develop these intense feelings for him. With each passing day, it got harder to look him in the eye and I began to hide. This was one moment I should’ve stayed at home.
I sat down behind one of the rocks, my knees up to my chest and watched as Taylor plopped down beside me. I could smell that he was wearing cologne, a new thing he had recently decided to do. His blonde locks were pulled back in a loose ponytail letting wandering strands fall around his face. I kept having such powerful urges to play with his hair or touch the skin of his cheek that I almost had to sit on my hands.
That’s when I noticed that for once he was staring at me too. Taylor’s cheeks suddenly turned cherry red and he chuckled to himself.
“What?” I wondered hoping that I didn’t have something wrong with me.
“Nothing,” he shook his head as if he wanted to tell me but couldn’t.
I put my hand on his and his mood instantly changed. I could see Taylor’s expression get a little more hesitant and serious. He scooted closer to me and ran his hand up the length of my arm causing the most extreme goose bumps to rise on my skin.
“N-n-no, tell me,” I stuttered trying to find the words as our eyes met.
“I’m going to kiss you, Lizzy, ok?”
I nodded and gulped nervously having wanted this moment for the last several weeks of my young, teenage life. Although, I had never been kissed before, I prepared myself as best as I knew how from watching the chick flicks my mom rented. I relaxed my body, licked my lips and delicately placed my hands on his shoulders. It definitely felt awkward at first, but at this point I didn’t even care. Taylor was going to kiss me! And oh man did he! Not only was his lips as soft and sweet as I thought they’d be, but his tongue moved me in ways I never thought possible. That one deep kiss that we shared ended my best friend status with Taylor. I knew that for him to do that, he must’ve had some feelings for me, right? He wanted to be my boyfriend! I knew he liked me too!
“Wow, that was-” Taylor began with a wide grin spread across his face.
“Awesome!” I finished for him maybe being a little over enthusiastic about the situation, but what could I do? The kid wanted to kiss me!
Of all the girls he could’ve kissed, he picked me which means he must want more. But how was I going to ask him? This was the first time either one of us had ever experienced anything of this magnitude so I figured I better not rush into thing. Time would tell, and I’m sure he would ask me out soon enough. If he didn’t, then I would.
I never did, and neither did he unfortunately which is why I must be so nervous. Several years later, and a million hours spent pining over the love of my life and I was finally going to tell Taylor Hanson how I felt. The plane ride from Tulsa to LA was the longest wait of my entire life, but when we finally landed and I saw Isaac standing there waiting for me I was overjoyed.
“Where are the other two goofballs?” I asked him.
“At our condo waiting for you, of course.” Isaac replied and I smiled in return.
He wrapped his arms around me and it felt good to be with him again. That’s when I noticed the tall, muscular bodyguard beside him. Apparently, Hanson was so popular now that it was hard for them to go out into the public without getting mobbed by screaming girl fans.
I got a little taste of that myself as I could see stares coming from other teenager’s faces and hear whispers behind my back. I even saw flashes of light from digital cameras and cell phones. Grinning proudly, I hooked my arm through Isaac’s pretending to be lovey towards him when I knew it would only stir up extraneous controversy in the papers tomorrow. Playing along, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the airport. The whole ride to their condo, Isaac and I cut up and talked about what was going on in each others lives. It was as though things had never changed between us, and as soon as I saw Zac come running out the front door of their place with his arms outstretched, a new hope filled the hole in my heart.
Zac almost knocked me over when we met on the driveway. His hair was still long, in mousy, blonde layers while his chocolate brown eyes were also the same as big and cheerful as ever.
“Liz!!!” he exclaimed. “Come in and see the place!”
I had to smile at the kid. He was always the funny one that made us laugh when times were serious and at this moment I needed all the relief I could get. I rubbed my hands together making my palms sweaty. The heat off my skin must’ve been boiling by the time we walked in. Zac and Isaac began giving me a tour, but I couldn’t resist any longer. I had to see him.
“Where’s Taylor?”
“Oh yeah,” Zac replied shaking his head. “He’s been cooped up in his room all day- first recovering from a hangover and then to work on some song he’s been writing…”
I tuned the rest of Zac’s speech out to focus on that one comment. A song? Maybe he was writing it for me?! I bet he had been waiting to talk to me too all these years and just couldn’t find the right way to do it. I was excited now and probably overly confidant, but I was ready. I had been ready since they moved away. I wrote love letters to him that never got mailed, made collages from pictures out of magazines, and even though I have had several boyfriends since mine and Taylor’s first kiss I was saving my virginity for him too. This trip I was going to make Taylor mine.
“Taylor!” Zac called out to him from down the hall. “Lizzy’s here!”
“Be right there!” he yelled in return.
I stood there waiting for Taylor to exit his room and when I saw him my mouth dropped to the floor. He had cut his long, golden mane off to sport, a much shorter shaggier look and he was extremely fashionably dressed. His once snowy white skin was now a tan color and he held a beer bottle in between his fingers and a lit cigarette. It was all much different from the Taylor I had once known, but alas it did not deter me from feeling the same way I did when we were 14.
I let my emotions run free as I threw my arms around his neck.
“Hi, good to see you, Taylor,” I said in the sexiest voice I could muster.
“Yeah definitely. It’s been a long time.” He responded not seeming to catch my drift.
“So…” Isaac cut in. “It’s time to go to the venue for the show.”
I barely had time to unload my luggage and change before the boys began to whisk me away in a limo to a local venue for their concert.
“Does this look all right?” I asked Isaac hoping Taylor would interject and compliment me.
“Of course, you look amazing,” he grinned. “It’s good to have you here.”
“Yeah, it really is, dork face!” Zac joked.
“Butt munch!” I giggled while half glancing at the oblivious Taylor. “It’s good to be back with my buds.”
Taylor didn’t say a word to me the entire way to the venue nor before the show either. He was either drinking, talking to fans, or talking on his cell phone the entire time. Once the music began and the brothers started their performance I decided to sulk a little and think about what I was going to do. Should I still tell him? What if he’s ignoring me? Why is he acting like a jerk now? That wasn’t the Taylor I used to know.
Sadly, I made my way backstage once the show was over and saw Taylor talking to a tall, skanky brunette wearing practically nothing and my stomach dropped to the floor. He whispered something to her and gave her a piece of paper. She grinned and walked away to join her friends.
My hope had almost completely diminished when I suddenly caught Taylor staring at me the same way he had when we shared our first kiss. I smiled a little trying to show him I had been a little bit sad that he had been treating oddly since I had arrived. I guess my bashful, shy look paid off because he was instantly standing in front of me.
“Cheer up, Lizzy,” Taylor grinned looming over me. “Now begins the fun!”
“Oh really?” I smirked seductively. “And what kind of fun will we be having?”
He leaned with one hand against the wall as our eyes met and the other hand on my cheek. I could smell the alcohol on his breath but him just being that close to me was enough to send me into an orgasmic coma.
“You’ll see,” was all Taylor said and with that he was gone.
After loading up, the 4 of us headed back to their condo where other people were already waiting there for the boys. They invited handfuls of their friends and fans to join them in partying for the night on their back deck.
“Go get your bathing suit on, Liz,” Zac told me as we all went upstairs to change.
After my encounter with Taylor, I knew that my brand new Gucci black, string bikini would help entice him. I surveyed myself in the mirror and took a deep breath. This was it. I was going to get him away from everyone, tell him how I feel, and then we can be together forever. It was the perfect plan or so I thought.
Gliding in my heels and black suit I waltzed around the house looking for Taylor. Everywhere people sat around talking and drinking, having a good time, and here I was looking almost desperate.
Fun Taylor! We’re supposed to be having fun together right now! I cried in my head. I turned the corner and walked outside on the deck, saying hello to Isaac and Zac as I made my way to the pool. That’s when I saw him. I saw Taylor and 2 other girls completely naked in the hot tub, all over each other. They were having fun all right. The one girl was the brunette from the show earlier. My mouth fell to the ground and I stood there as still as death. I felt as if my heart had just been ripped out of my body as I watched one of the girls straddling Taylor, a look of ecstacy on all of their faces. I knew what they were doing and it was disgusting! I could not believe this! Taylor had not only broken my heart but he had become this trashy being instead of the angelic boy next door that I remembered him to be.
How could you do this Taylor Hanson? I yelled in my head as the tears began to fall. How could you do this to me?! I have waited my life for you and now all is lost. You are not the boy I used to know! You are this ugly man whore and I will never forgive you for what you’ve done to me! I will never let go how you made me feel! I will have my revenge, Taylor Hanson! No one hurts Elizabeth Lively and gets away with it!
With that I ran back inside the condo, packed my bags, and was on a flight back to Tulsa within the next few hours not even caring that I didn’t tell the brothers goodbye. I would see them again one day that was for sure.